One day, a man came into Hwa Gye Sah Temple outside Seoul. He was very anxious, and shouting, “I want to die! I want to die! I want to die!”
A monk approached him and asked, “What is wrong?”
“I want to die!”
“Just a moment,” the monk said, “What’s wrong? Why do you want to die?”
“I don’t like this world! I don’t like people! I don’t like anything! I only want to DIE!!”
“OK, you dying is no problem” there monk said. “But we have this famous Zen master here. So you should first talk to him. Maybe he can help you understand your mind before you die.”
The man agreed, and the next day he was introduced to Zen Master Seung Sahn. “I want to die, Zen master. I don’t like this world anymore. It is only a sea of suffering. So I want to die.”
“You’re already dead,” Dae Soen Sa Nim said.
“I’m dead?” the man shouted. “What do you mean? I’m not dead yet!”
“You’re already dead.”
“I’m not dead!”
“When you say ‘I’m not dead,’ only your mouth is still alive. But you’re already dead.”
“What does that mean?”
“Already dead,” Dae Soen Sa Nim continued. “Who are you? Why are you dragging this corpse around?”
“I’m not dragging any corpse around.”
“Why are you dragging this corpse around? What is a human being? Show me! If you want to die, then die. But before that, what are you? You say ;I want to die.’ Who wants to die? What is this ‘I’? Who?”
The man was completely stuck, and could not say anything.
“So, you’re already dead. Now you must wake up!”
“OK, Zen master.”
“If you really want to die, killing your body is not the way. That’s not real dying, only ‘body-dying.’ So if you really want to die, then with all of your energy you must only keep this question: ‘What am I? What am I? What am I?‘ You say, ‘I want to die.’ This ‘I’ comes from where? What are you?“
“Don’t know.”
“Don’t know! Correct! So you must deeply perceive this don’t-know mind. If you completely attain this don’t-know, there is no life and no death. Then living is no problem, dying is also no problem. OK?”
“There is no life and death?” The student bowed deeply, “Thank you for your teaching.”
Wanting Enlightenment is a BIG MISTAKE: Teachings of Zen Master Seung Sahn – Hyong Gak
I want to die!
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